“Heals Complete Us”
I think that the idea of the poem sounds really good. This is because this could relate to many young and older girls. The idea is noticeable and you can understand it well. It is easy to identify and gives a piece of strong senses. This supports and expands the main idea of the poem and is carefully selected beyond the obvious detail. This doesn’t need to be research because I am one of those girls who wear heels and love them. But it really hurts. When a girl reads this, this is obvious and funny in the same time. This could be mean but still interesting because this how girl behavior is.
The conventions were ok. The conventions bring out the meaning of the voice. It also shows wide range of the convention. The key information is heels. It is ready to be published. It is complete and accurate and correctly formatted. I think the title appeals a lot.
The organization of the poem is suited to the genre, topic, and purpose. The structure guides the reader through the piece. It shows the main ideas. It is promoted understanding and is creative. I could see the issue and people could see the depth. It is smooth and clearly connected. It isn’t that compelling but it is ok.
The voice is individual and appealing. It is compelled to share it aloud. It is honest and passionate and appropriate for the audience. It has a personal touch. I could feel engaged to the poem.
The word choice wasn’t that good but was ok. The poem was clear. Striking, original, and precise. Language is perfectly suited to me. The language is good for the audience. It has some energy and creates a vivid image. It has a meaning for each line. The poem is energetic. It isn’t that overdone too.
The sentence fluency is smooth and natural. It also is enjoyable to read. It enhanced the voice. It is meaningful and readable. There was no run on and convoluted. The sentences are not choppiness. It has connecting key points. It brings out the voice.
Showing posts with label poetry portfolio. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry portfolio. Show all posts
January 27, 2007
peer assesment sun-day
“Sun-Day
This poem is a concrete poem and is about the sun. I believe this is part of our daily life so I wrote about the sun. The sun is the one that starts the day and does miraculous things. This was my first poem I made this semester.
I think the idea of the poem is clear. The message is clear and it is focused. It is also concise. It is easy to understand the insight of the topic. The main idea is easy to notice. It is also well defined and gives the piece a strong sense of direction. The word is supporting the main topic. I also think that the poem answers the reader’s questions thoroughly and well.
The convention was ok. I think there were at least two grammar problems because of the words that are alone. There were some sentences in my concrete poem. I could see a control over a wide range of convention. It is creative and brings out meaning and voice. This poem has eye appeal and you could see what words stands out. So you don’t need to highlight any information. It is correctly formatted. It has to look like a sun so I made it round.
The word choice in this poem was original, precise, clear, and striking. I think the poem is suited for the audience and the poem. Maybe I could use better words for my poem. Better word choice. Maybe something that could give more power to this poem so you could feel the heat of the sun or something that your could feel the sense of the sun. It is energetic and also creative but. It is easy to make an image of the poem once I read it. I Like the part when I wrote “the sun is burns the skin ouch ouch ouch.” Those are the words that show images of the poem. It describes what the sun does to you. It isn’t that strong but it has some words that give you an image.
I didn’t have that much sentence in my poem. I think the sentence fluency was good. It was flowing and smooth. It was natural and enjoyable to read. There were no run-ons and choppiness are absent from this text. The transitions are natural too. I think the structure enhance the meaning of the poem. It brings out the voice. Each words or sentences connect to the subject. It is readable and expressive in some ways. It connects the key point from another point. I could see what the main point is for reading. It echoes.
It is organized well and the pattern is ideally suited to the genre. The topic and the purpose are well placed. The structure guides the reader through the pieces.
The voice is understandable and it is perfect.
This poem is a concrete poem and is about the sun. I believe this is part of our daily life so I wrote about the sun. The sun is the one that starts the day and does miraculous things. This was my first poem I made this semester.
I think the idea of the poem is clear. The message is clear and it is focused. It is also concise. It is easy to understand the insight of the topic. The main idea is easy to notice. It is also well defined and gives the piece a strong sense of direction. The word is supporting the main topic. I also think that the poem answers the reader’s questions thoroughly and well.
The convention was ok. I think there were at least two grammar problems because of the words that are alone. There were some sentences in my concrete poem. I could see a control over a wide range of convention. It is creative and brings out meaning and voice. This poem has eye appeal and you could see what words stands out. So you don’t need to highlight any information. It is correctly formatted. It has to look like a sun so I made it round.
The word choice in this poem was original, precise, clear, and striking. I think the poem is suited for the audience and the poem. Maybe I could use better words for my poem. Better word choice. Maybe something that could give more power to this poem so you could feel the heat of the sun or something that your could feel the sense of the sun. It is energetic and also creative but. It is easy to make an image of the poem once I read it. I Like the part when I wrote “the sun is burns the skin ouch ouch ouch.” Those are the words that show images of the poem. It describes what the sun does to you. It isn’t that strong but it has some words that give you an image.
I didn’t have that much sentence in my poem. I think the sentence fluency was good. It was flowing and smooth. It was natural and enjoyable to read. There were no run-ons and choppiness are absent from this text. The transitions are natural too. I think the structure enhance the meaning of the poem. It brings out the voice. Each words or sentences connect to the subject. It is readable and expressive in some ways. It connects the key point from another point. I could see what the main point is for reading. It echoes.
It is organized well and the pattern is ideally suited to the genre. The topic and the purpose are well placed. The structure guides the reader through the pieces.
The voice is understandable and it is perfect.
narrative poem
Nomad’s Life
A nomad has a nomad heart.
A heart of a nomad would be moving around exploring for true love.
Since a nomad doesn’t have a real home, a nomad would not know what an ordinary person lives like.
Nomads have their own traditions.
A nomad would not listen to their fast beating heart.
They don’t know what love really is.
A nomad’s heart is strong and does not want to be weak.
Inside of the strong nomad’s heart would be crying with flowing tears.
Nomad’s heart would be moving all over the place.
The heart would feel insecure at some times.
A nomad’s lifestyle is….
Following animals for food
Being cold.
Always making new shelter.
I am a modernized nomad.
I move from places to places rather than settling down.
I have no real home.
You might ask where my hometown is but I don’t have any.
I lived in many different places.
I have never stopped moving around.
It seems like a tradition for me.
This started when I was born.
I was born in a place where I could hear country music.
The place where they have the best BBQ ribs.
Later I go to a place where there is an ocean and a white house.
That is the only thing I remember.
Then I moved to a warm tropical island.
Every weekend you could see the waves crashing to shore at the beach.
You can feel the sun shining on you.
The breeze cooling your hot sweat.
I moved to a city where neon lights all over the place.
I had to breathe deeply because of the pollution.
I feel like I moved all around the world.
I know I will be moving again sometime from now.
I just don’t know when.
I was born as nomad.
A nomad has a nomad heart.
A heart of a nomad would be moving around exploring for true love.
Since a nomad doesn’t have a real home, a nomad would not know what an ordinary person lives like.
Nomads have their own traditions.
A nomad would not listen to their fast beating heart.
They don’t know what love really is.
A nomad’s heart is strong and does not want to be weak.
Inside of the strong nomad’s heart would be crying with flowing tears.
Nomad’s heart would be moving all over the place.
The heart would feel insecure at some times.
A nomad’s lifestyle is….
Following animals for food
Being cold.
Always making new shelter.
I am a modernized nomad.
I move from places to places rather than settling down.
I have no real home.
You might ask where my hometown is but I don’t have any.
I lived in many different places.
I have never stopped moving around.
It seems like a tradition for me.
This started when I was born.
I was born in a place where I could hear country music.
The place where they have the best BBQ ribs.
Later I go to a place where there is an ocean and a white house.
That is the only thing I remember.
Then I moved to a warm tropical island.
Every weekend you could see the waves crashing to shore at the beach.
You can feel the sun shining on you.
The breeze cooling your hot sweat.
I moved to a city where neon lights all over the place.
I had to breathe deeply because of the pollution.
I feel like I moved all around the world.
I know I will be moving again sometime from now.
I just don’t know when.
I was born as nomad.
process poem
Wild Karaoke Time
Grab all of your friends so you won’t feel forsaken.
Your Karaoke time will be intoxicating with them.
Get more friends to join in too.
The more friends the more energy there is.
Search for the foremost Karaoke place.
Don’t get it too expensive or cheap just a right amount of money.
Get a dark mirror light room where the color of the lights goes around you.
Red, blue, green, and white making you feel dizzy every times it goes around.
Adjust the furniture so there would be enough space for you to jump.
Jumping makes every thing pumped up.
Goodbye to the sitting and singing posture.
Fish for the music you want to sing.
There are jillions of songs in the song book.
Punched the number of the song and saved them with the remote.
Save loads of music in the machine.
Attract the microphone to your palm.
Turn the microphone on.
Sing into the microphone.
If you can’t sing it is most likely to roar the song out.
It is still entertaining to do.
It doesn’t sound horrible either.
Maybe it does.
Just imagine like you are in a heavy metal band.
You are the singers!
While you’re singing or blasting the song, jump up and down.
Bounce in front of the Karaoke screen where you would see the lyrics of the music.
That is when you start your own “Karaoke party”.
And now you get wild and out of control.
Maybe once you get out of control you might just dance around.
Bob your head, swish your hair up and down side to side.
If there is no hair on you it is ok.
Just move clown around.
You will still be all over the place.
This would also relieve your stress.
Hate the music then change the music.
It is best to use a hyper fast music.
Like Rock or Rap.
Well Rap would be hard to sing, it gets annoying.
If you don’t like that type of music and like pop that is fine.
All types of music are acceptable.
Grab all of your friends so you won’t feel forsaken.
Your Karaoke time will be intoxicating with them.
Get more friends to join in too.
The more friends the more energy there is.
Search for the foremost Karaoke place.
Don’t get it too expensive or cheap just a right amount of money.
Get a dark mirror light room where the color of the lights goes around you.
Red, blue, green, and white making you feel dizzy every times it goes around.
Adjust the furniture so there would be enough space for you to jump.
Jumping makes every thing pumped up.
Goodbye to the sitting and singing posture.
Fish for the music you want to sing.
There are jillions of songs in the song book.
Punched the number of the song and saved them with the remote.
Save loads of music in the machine.
Attract the microphone to your palm.
Turn the microphone on.
Sing into the microphone.
If you can’t sing it is most likely to roar the song out.
It is still entertaining to do.
It doesn’t sound horrible either.
Maybe it does.
Just imagine like you are in a heavy metal band.
You are the singers!
While you’re singing or blasting the song, jump up and down.
Bounce in front of the Karaoke screen where you would see the lyrics of the music.
That is when you start your own “Karaoke party”.
And now you get wild and out of control.
Maybe once you get out of control you might just dance around.
Bob your head, swish your hair up and down side to side.
If there is no hair on you it is ok.
Just move clown around.
You will still be all over the place.
This would also relieve your stress.
Hate the music then change the music.
It is best to use a hyper fast music.
Like Rock or Rap.
Well Rap would be hard to sing, it gets annoying.
If you don’t like that type of music and like pop that is fine.
All types of music are acceptable.
poem villanelle
Heals Completes Us
You find the right heels to wear on your feet
It is a top brand heel and every girl wants one
So they could deform their precious feet
Pink, black, and orange all kinds of color that makes a girl complete
Your want all of it but you buy none
Heels stabs and reddens the bottom of your feet
Smiling in the magazine a model shows a Manolo Blank heel with her stinky feet
She wants all but cannot afford any she got none
The stinky feet was made by her heat
Heels could beat your feet
Girls can’t resist buying heels that are auctioned
They don’t care how much it hurts their feet
If you want an eye catching adorable feet
Just buy one and try putting them on
Don’t forget your just accessorizing your feet
You are putting bruises on your feet
Pretty heels make your day go on
I bet you want to walk bare feet.
You find the right heels to wear on your feet
It is a top brand heel and every girl wants one
So they could deform their precious feet
Pink, black, and orange all kinds of color that makes a girl complete
Your want all of it but you buy none
Heels stabs and reddens the bottom of your feet
Smiling in the magazine a model shows a Manolo Blank heel with her stinky feet
She wants all but cannot afford any she got none
The stinky feet was made by her heat
Heels could beat your feet
Girls can’t resist buying heels that are auctioned
They don’t care how much it hurts their feet
If you want an eye catching adorable feet
Just buy one and try putting them on
Don’t forget your just accessorizing your feet
You are putting bruises on your feet
Pretty heels make your day go on
I bet you want to walk bare feet.
concrete poem
Sun-day
Hot Yellow Orange
Burning Sun. Bright in the day
and hides at night. Warm like a sweater.
Shining bright golden shimmer. Levity made
at day. Alwaysthere everyday. Gives hope. The center
of attention in the day. Humongous,
unapproachable. Far away up so high. Energy given from
the sun. Makes people feels good. You can get a sun tan
and burnt skin. How much it would hurt. Ouch ouch ouch.
The sun burns and is unbearable. The suns a mighty
ruler sun in the sky. Caring father to
creatures.Gives strength to plants. Sun
sun sun so sunny Mr. Sun Mr. Golden
sun smiling and shining
down on people.
Hot Yellow Orange
Burning Sun. Bright in the day
and hides at night. Warm like a sweater.
Shining bright golden shimmer. Levity made
at day. Alwaysthere everyday. Gives hope. The center
of attention in the day. Humongous,
unapproachable. Far away up so high. Energy given from
the sun. Makes people feels good. You can get a sun tan
and burnt skin. How much it would hurt. Ouch ouch ouch.
The sun burns and is unbearable. The suns a mighty
ruler sun in the sky. Caring father to
creatures.Gives strength to plants. Sun
sun sun so sunny Mr. Sun Mr. Golden
sun smiling and shining
down on people.
poems pantoume
White Blank
There is a white blank in you head
The brain doesn’t seem to blink
No image is forming in your head
You want to think
The brain doesn’t seem to blink
Your try to think but your about to break out
You want to think
Tik-tok-tik- tok you are waiting for an idea to pop out
You try to think but you’re about to break out
Your brain feels numb you might feel crushed
Tik- tok–tik-tok you are waiting for an idea to pop out
Swoosh you have been brained washed
Your brain feels numb that you might feel crushed
Maybe you can’t concentrate you might have chagrin
Swoosh you have been brained washed
Your brain is a machine and it isn’t plugged in
Maybe you can’t concentrate you might have chagrin
The screeching noise of the chalkboard
Your brain is a machine and it isn’t plugged in
Now you are bored
The screeching noise of the chalkboard
The brain doesn’t seem to blink
Now you are bored
There is a white blank in your head
There is a white blank in you head
The brain doesn’t seem to blink
No image is forming in your head
You want to think
The brain doesn’t seem to blink
Your try to think but your about to break out
You want to think
Tik-tok-tik- tok you are waiting for an idea to pop out
You try to think but you’re about to break out
Your brain feels numb you might feel crushed
Tik- tok–tik-tok you are waiting for an idea to pop out
Swoosh you have been brained washed
Your brain feels numb that you might feel crushed
Maybe you can’t concentrate you might have chagrin
Swoosh you have been brained washed
Your brain is a machine and it isn’t plugged in
Maybe you can’t concentrate you might have chagrin
The screeching noise of the chalkboard
Your brain is a machine and it isn’t plugged in
Now you are bored
The screeching noise of the chalkboard
The brain doesn’t seem to blink
Now you are bored
There is a white blank in your head
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
